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    Scared of Feminists

    I’m scared of feminists (not specific ones, just as a faceless group).

    It’s the language. I don’t know the secret words that cause offense. It’s like the thing where someone tells you: whatever you do right now, don’t picture an elephant in your head. And no matter what, your minds eye presents you with an elephant. In the same way, in the presence of a feminist, all I can think about is sexist jokes I could make.

    The thing is that I didn’t get a great deal of exposure to feminism as a student. While you were all learning feminism in your humanities degrees, I was memorising the proof to Maxwell’s equations . The thing is I’ve got a lot of catching up to do. Ok I admit that when I was younger I used to think I knew it all and maybe certain women I knew decided to take me down on the issue – but I’ve changed! I want to learn. Look I know I’ve got a lot of unlearning to do. You don’t spend ten years in the engineering industry being emailed pictures of naked women and sexist jokes, where all the female staff are bunched together in the admin office and can be referred to as “the girls” without picking up some bad habits.

    All I’m asking is that you give me a break. Don’t just look uncomfortable and change the subject, let me know politely and even with a sense of humour when I accidentally get it wrong. You don’t need to assume that just because I don’t have the education, that I’m in the enemy camp. I’m usually trying to be at peace with most people I know. I can’t be at peace with you if you think I’m an ass. The thing is that while you assume that I’m a chest beating ape, I’m really reading books like Female Chauvinist Pigs and even a Sociology textbook I found lying around the house. So anyway, just thought I’d let you know. I’m glad we had this conversation – I feel better already.

    UPDATE: Title of this post changed after focus group feedback

    Related Posts:  »Defend Life »Terrifying Anti Terror Laws »A brief history of feminism

    Posted: June 29th, 2007 under Culture.
    Comments: 2

    Comments

    Comment from blue milk
    Time: 30/6/2007, 11:58 pm

    Hmm, an interesting post and I’m going to take the bait.

    I really enjoy that your blog explores so many aspects of your philosophy – religion, social justice, family, and now feminism too. I love the honesty, the self-deprecation.

    I didn’t study feminism at uni either and I’ve felt like I’ve had a lot to learn too and I’ve done it the same way you are – by reading works by feminists (that Ariel Levy book is excellent) and by talking and (mostly) listening to other feminists. I’ve also been in heated discussions with other feminists and I’ve always learnt something from them – either its tested and clarified my own views or changed them. It can feel pretty unnerving at the time to be involved in one of those heated discussions, but I imagine you’ve experienced similar in discussions on religion.

    Even if you bumble along saying the wrong thing occassionally I think feminists will cut you some slack if you come at this subject with an open heart, genuinely wanting to understand feminism and them better and if you share with them a belief that men and women are equal (even if they’re different) and that there is a patriarchy which oppresses women.

    Feminists will get intolerant, especially on-line when they’re being taunted (which happens a lot!) or when a high-level discussion is being interrupted by very basic questions to the point where they cross-over to appearing to stir. This is a great site for that reason – http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/purpose/

    I don’t know if you’ve encountered a specific situation where a feminist assumed you were a “chest-beating ape” or if you’re talking generally (hopefully it wasn’t me) – this reminded me of the difficulty some men experience when feminism talks about the oppression of women by men – “but I’m not one of those men” – ok, so you’re one of the good ones, you’re not the problem and that’s great, don’t take it personally, and try to recognise that in general there is an oppression of women by men and in general as a man you experience a level of privelege because of your status as a man, just as we both experience a level of privelege because of our status as white Australians. Understanding privelege doesn’t have to make us defensive, its just an opportunity to see how you benefit from some kind of inequality, more importantly how someone else doesn’t, and how you could do something to change that injustice. Your recogniton that you might have picked up some sexism from all your time in the engineering dept is evidence of your awareness of privelege.

    Plenty of feminists (in fact most, in my opinion) aren’t humourless, man-hating sour pusses and I’m sure they’d be happy to give you a break and let you know when they think you’ve accidentally got it wrong.

    I wonder what your previous title was for that post?

    Comment from djfoobarmatt
    Time: 1/7/2007, 12:17 pm

    Thanks Ms Bluemilk, The thing that restored my faith in feminism was a lecture I went to with Pat Mullins who I know you’ve met. Thanks for taking the bait – you seem like an open person with a genuine interest in people. I find that on some topics, I need to breath out before I can breath in. That is I need to get all my prejudice and baggage out in the open so I can put it aside and think some new thoughts.

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