Bogosity

When I hear King Missile’s detachable penis, I’m reminded of the time a guy played the whole album to me in the context of trying to deprogram me from being a fundamentalist Christian. I think he was trying to show how you couldn’t have fun as a fundy because I wasn’t allowed to laugh at this incredibly sophisticated humour.

Reflecting on this right now reminded me of other times where people attempted to ‘save’ me from my faith. Looking back at it, I appreciate these people’s concerns. I was into fundamentalist Christianity in such a way that I was perhaps using it to run away from the reality of life.

One such occasion was when I was only fourteen and I was working during the holidays at a nursery. Have I told this story already? It’s the kind of story that you hear gay people telling.

I became friends with an older coworker. We discovered a common interest in guitar music. One Friday afternoon, this guy (let’s call him Andy) decided to buy me some porn because he was worried about my sexuality. I don’t want you turning out wrong he told me. I was a pretty shy person and didn’t know how to stick up for myself and say no. So at afternoon tea, Andy sent Sheila, a female cooworker down to the shops to get some pornos. I was terrified. If I looked at pornos then I would go straight to hell, perhaps even leaving a smoking hole where I stood in the lunch room.

Sheila came back with the pornos and they gave one to me. It was motorbikes, lots of leather, what I would call ‘entry level’ porn, not the hard-core stuff that, say, coal miners might look at.

I glanced through the mag, trying not to actually look at any of it, put it down and ate my lunch. Andy, wasn’t satisfied with my participation and insisted that I read it properly. Read one of the articles, it’s Ok to look at these you know. It’s normal, healthy. But I was starting to freak out and I picked up the mag and threw it at him. Oh you’ll wreck it! he said carefully picking it up from the dirt.

At this point, I was cracking and ran out. I called my Mum to come and get me and wouldn’t tell her what happened. Later on she found out from the Boss at the Nursery what had happened after he had questioned the staff.

As I mentioned before, the guys at the nursery probably thought I was gay and this is the kind of story you might hear a gay person tell. But I was/am not gay though as a fundamentalist Christian, I forbade myself to explore my own sexuality.

Years later, I experienced a real revelation when I finally allowed myself to open up to the world around me and accept life without filtering it through an imposed set of meanings and what basically amounted to attempts to be in control. It took me a long time to emerge from my cocoon.

But here’s the thing. The attempts of people along the way to deprogram me didn’t help at all. While I can see their concern in some cases. It was also incredibly arrogant of them to do what they did. Just as arrogant as any leaflet wielding bible basher that people love to hate. The truth is that they were just as scared as me of life and couldn’t handle someone who came at it all from a different angle.

So if you’re thinking about needing to impose your values on someone else, think about why you might be doing that and what affect you might be having. For me, I only changed through asking questions, thinking things through and being friends with people who were different to me.

Having said that, I might have another listen to that King Missile album – I like the one about the cheesecake van.